There have been times of winter in my soul. In what is now a distant past, hopes, dreams and expectations lay jumbled and twisted around my feet. Hurt woven with regret cast a suffocating net around my life.
Choices made by others in my life, and choices I made without the light of God’s wisdom and outside His will, brought me to a place of darkness.
In that place of shadows, You, Lord seemed far away and uncaring. The personal details of my life and the tears I shed seemed unimportant to You. The path ahead was uncertain and fearful. Little did I know that You allowed the life I dreamed of and the things I sought after to be stripped away, so that in my failures and in the failures of others, I would have no choice but to search for You.
I did not know then, that only in You, could I find the shelter I desperately needed; and that your love was the only love that could create new life and fill the bitter emptiness which pierced me.
The journey from winter to spring was slow and painful, yet looking back along the path, I see your hand.
I know that a car accident which should have taken my life did not, because your hand was on me. I know that a friend who said, “Don’t leave God out of the equation,” was sent by You.
Years after that, your work still not done, You allowed my physical strength to fade and fear to rise in the face of cancer. That storm reinforced how I needed to find my strength in You instead of myself. Fearful things were the tools You used to hem me in, so that I would retreat into your arms.
satan meant the troubles I faced for destruction but You meant them for good.
In your vocabulary, good was not as I defined it. Good, from my way of thinking, should never be painful. But, You, Lord, had higher purposes. You knew which layers needed to be stripped away to reach my heart, bringing me to a place where I had no one and nothing to rely on but You.
Only then, could Spring begin to form. Only then would You re-master me and my life.
Now, Lord, looking back, I see You. I see Your faithful hand orchestrating my life through the brokenness. I did not see You then because my eyes were fixated on the fragments and not on You.
I know now that You formed me with intent, and that the shattered, broken road I walked served a purpose. It helped to shape, teach and fill me with a passion to help others who are on their own stretch of broken road.
Thank you, precious Lord; because You did what it took to get my attention. A smooth road would not have made me who I am in You. I love You.
My friend, wherever you are, if you are traveling a broken road and the winter in your soul has made you numb, stolen your hope, filled you with doubt, anger and regret; please recognize you cannot manufacture the newness of spring in your life without surrendering to the Lord who is God of all creation. He is the Light who wants to bring life, color and meaning to the winter in your soul.
He loves you beyond what you can understand. He will never forsake you, but perhaps you have forsaken Him. Ask Him to come into your life, forgive your sins, and begin transforming you from the inside out. If you came to Him once before, but have walked your own paths away from Him, as I did, return to Him on the bent knees of your heart. Ask Him to restore, rebuild and recreate you into who He wants you to be.
Only He can bring the spring out of the depths of winter.
John 8:12 (NIV)
“When Jesus spoke again to the people, He said, “I am the Light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.”
John 14:6 (NIV)
“Jesus answered, “I am the way, and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”
Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV)
“Search me, O God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”