(Scroll down for Part 1, 8/1/20)
Waiting is harder than knowing.
After 23 daysof waiting, we knew that only two of Zulilly’s three eggs were going to hatch. She eventually rolled the third egg out of the nest and focused on the two hatchlings. Olivia found the egg with a crack that revealed the lifeless chick. She sadly buried the little egg with the chick inside. At least now, there would be no more waiting.
Knowing is easier than waiting.
Maybe it’s because our creative minds turn waiting into scenarios where what-ifs run rampant. The “what-ifs” can swirl around with merry-go-round intensity that isn’t “merry” at all. Waiting can become the devil’s playground or God’s classroom, depending on what our focus is.
While waiting for results about a suspicious lymph node, I have had feet in the playground and the classroom. Nighttime seems to be the time when I am most likely to get caught up in the spin of what could be. Mornings, when I sit with coffee and Bible, are when the classroom becomes the easier choice.
God, whose timing is perfect, recognizes when to turn the waiting into knowing.
Four doctors told us that the suspicious lymph node probably could not be removed; nestled under my breast bone, it was in a location where the sternum might have to be broken. Recovery would be too long and delay treatment for what appeared to be cancerous cells. God, however, steered us to a young thoracic surgeon who specializes in robotic-assisted surgery.
He was able to smoothly remove the lymph node. A couple of painful, hard to breathe days were followed by a quick recovery – God’s healing mercy in response to an avalanche of prayer!
The suspicious cells were cancer. Knowing, followed by more waiting.
I just finished day seven of radiation. Twenty six more treatments to go.
This journey, that started in the spring of last year (scroll down to June 6, 2019 for the beginning); has been a series of ups, downs, waiting, knowing, dealing, (and not so dealing) with realities.
Knowing IS easier than waiting. It ends, at least for awhile, speculation. Action usually happens after knowing, and that feels a bit more like progress.
In a different context, we are sometimes disappointed when we see others being rewarded in some way for WHO they know instead of WHAT they know. That reality can leave us with a sour taste.
In a spiritual sense, that unfair world phenomena applies, but the taste of it is sweet.
It isn’t WHAT we know that counts, or in some cases, what counts against us: a diagnosis, election results, mandates we don’t agree with, news of unrest nationally and globally, monster hurricanes, wildfires and disease information overload.
What counts is WHO we know.
Proverbs 30:4 (NIV)
“Who has gone up to heaven and come down? Who has gathered up the winds in the hollows of His hands? Who has wrapped up the waters in His cloak? Who has established all the ends of the earth? What is His name and the name of His Son? Tell me if you know.”
I know! I know! I know! Me, me, pick me! I know!
It’s God. Healer, Savior, Redeemer, Appointer of all rulers, kingdoms and powers: the One who stands in the flames, calms the winds, and holds the stars He created in place with the gravity of His nature.
He rewards those who know Him with comfort, peace and eternity. The “whats” that we know – or don’t know – lose power over us in the power of His name.
I need to remind myself constantly of that.
Maybe you need to remind yourself of that, too.
After Olivia came in from burying the egg, I made a quick decision. “Let’s go to Tractor Supply and see if we can get a few more babies. If we slip them under Zulilly tonight, maybe she will adopt them,” I said.
Olivia’ s face brightened as we hurried out the door.
Fortunately, the store had a tub of fluffy, yellow chicks. Olivia selected four tiny puffballs. She cradled the box on the way home with the cheepers inside.
When daylight slipped into dusk, we carried the babies to Olivia’s hen coop, ready to slide them quietly under Zulilly.
Would Zulilly adopt the babies? Would they bond with her? Would the natural siblings accept four new, completely different looking chicks as their sisters?
Tune in next time to see! (Hopefully, it won’t be soooo long before the next post!)
2 thoughts on “Prepared, Part 3 (Knowing)”
God bless you, my dear friend. While so sorry to hear of the setback, I rejoice with you in our sisterhood in the family of our Loving,Healing God Who Loves you and Holds you in His Hands. A friend of mine has a friend of hers on a similar journey as yours. Together my friend and I pray for you and her friend Tess,my son Luke with stage 3 cancer,and one of my granddaughters with stage 4 cancer.
We all love and trust our powerful God.
Thank you, Carol. I’m grateful for your prayers. So many people have cancer experiences. My hope is that my words will encourage others along their journeys, and point them to the One who can walk with them the entire way.